It’s 3 am in the morning

one last time

one last time

The clock strike 3 and I couldn’t sleep. I woke up from bed and lean in the dark, thinking all sorts of things, stuff that happens years ago which feels like it happens yesterday. Good stuff, bad stuff, and good memories that turn into a burden.

I laugh at myself, thinking how silly I am acting like a child who’s whining over one drop of ice cream. But then I started to feel like crying. The thought of you is killing me.

I ask myself, what I did to deserve this. Not even one bit of happiness, not even one wish, nor a dream fulfilled.

I ponder and ponder… and ponder… my heart is full of pain, it’s too painful that I can’t even sought any happy thoughts.

I stood up. I walk to the kitchen and look for a knife. My sad and tired face reflected on that shiny knife. I ask myself, is it rational to do these… my logical brain says it’s wrong and it’s totally stupid. But my heart couldn’t evade the feeling that I wish to die.

It’s 3.30am now. And my hand is bleeding from the cut that I just made. Did it ease the pain in my heart? Perhaps not… but I, I really do hope I could go to sleep now.

“Run”

I’ll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You’ve been the only thing that’s right
In all I’ve done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we’ll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I’ll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we’ll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can’t raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I’ll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we’ll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can’t raise your voice to say

Slower slower
We don’t have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We’re bound to be afraid
Even if it’s just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I’ll be right beside you dear

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3 Responses to “It’s 3 am in the morning”

  1. Starfall Says:

    oh scarl i miss yew :D. hows life?

    Starfalls last blog post..Holy sheet. :o


  2. Jim Spence Says:

    Jim Spence…

    After reading this post, I am not sure I understand what you are trying to relate. Please expand on your thoughts a little more. Thanks…


  3. Keroro Says:

    Bal, i’m officially dead and not moving. I’m six feet grown under but hey i still have wifi and the connection is so strong over here, would u like to come by ?

    Lol.. relax.. this is just something like a short story that i thought of after hearing snow patrol - run.mp3


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